«Переписати життя»: розмова з авторкою книжки про позитивні зміни Оленою Любченко

Наприкінці березня у психологині, бізнес-тренерки, ведучої та експертки у програмах «Поверніть мені красу» та «Одруження наосліп» Олени Любченко вийшла книжка «Переписати життя». У ній авторка розповідає, як наважитися на позитивні зміни, навчитися говорити «ні» чужим бажанням та очікуванням та почути власний голос, який точно знає, як зробити нас щасливими.

Ми поговорили з Оленою й поставили їй кілька важливих запитань про книжку, творчість, а також про те, як почуватися щасливими у такий непростий тривожний час, як сьогодні.

На початку книжки ви зазначаєте, що самі пройшли через трансформацію, зробили кілька нелегких виборів на користь себе. Це допомогло вам у розумінні проблем, з якими стикаються ваші клієнти?

Будь-який усвідомлений, відрефлексований особистий досвід допомагає надалі в розумінні клієнтів. Такі ситуації, звичайно, допомагають усвідомлювати, з якими труднощами можуть стикатися клієнти, що відчувати, як справлятися з ситуацією.

Чи став саме цей досвід поштовхом до написання книжки?

Поштовхом до написання книги все-таки стали історії моїх клієнтів. Їх дуже багато. У кожній з них своя драма і складність. Але є якісь труднощі, які переживають всі, — хоч і по-різному, — коли хочуть змінити щось у житті. Ось в цьому хотілося розібратися і надати допомогу, підказку, натхнення тим, хто на роздоріжжі.

Що у процесі написання «Переписати життя» було найскладнішим?

Найскладнішим було знайти час і зануритися в процес. Оскільки я існую в декількох життєвих площинах: 

1) психотерапія і досить енергомістка робота з людьми в різних важких станах.
2) публічне життя, виступи і ТБ (а книгу я почала тоді, коли ще активно знімалася в «Одруженні наосліп»)
3) сім’я
4) ведення тренінгів і груп — в моєму графіку знайти час на те, щоб декілька годин в день, бажано багато днів поспіль, зануритися в написання книги було досить складно.

Книга народилася тільки завдяки тому, що були кілька людей, які просто «не злазили з мене» і нескінченно нагадували «Пиши»! Сідай і пиши»! Спасибі цим добрим людям.

Чи може книжка допомогти в пошуку потрібних запитань до себе, якщо їх поки не виникло? Чи до книжки потрібно підходити вже усвідомлено?

Людина така істота, яка, поки живе, то весь час змінюється. Не важливо, чи вона це робить свідомо, вимушено, через обставини, під впливом або тому що у неї є мрія — вона весь час змінюється, постійно. Зміни можуть відбуватися болісно або легко. Книга про те, що може допомогти зробити процес змін найменш болісним. Я навіть не можу собі уявити: у кого ж може не бути питань про те, як змінювати життя або змінюватися разом з мінливими обставинами? Ми ж живемо — а отже такі питання в тій чи іншій формі виникають завжди)

Як зрозуміти, що всі бажання й «хочу» — точно належать мені?

Цьому в книзі присвячено досить багато сторінок. Як чути себе? Як навчитися розрізняти свої прагнення, якщо раніше вчили слухати тільки «треба і повинен»? Щоб відповісти на це питання доведеться переказати пів книжки.

Швидка відповідь — експериментуйте. Але тут є нюанс. Якщо не дотримуватися деяких законів (про це я в книзі теж пишу), метод може виявитися дорогим.

Що б ви порадили нашим читачам? Можливо, кілька настанов, у цей нелегкий час: як почуватися щасливим у цих умовах невизначеності? Створення нових щоденних ритуалів? Підтримка?

а) Прийняти той факт, що обставини змінилися, а значить змінюватися доведеться і вам.
б) Прийняти той факт, що змінюватися непросто — і вам, і тим, хто поруч з вами. Всі зараз в стресі, як би парадоксально це не звучало.
в) НЕ ставити собі непосильних завдань: все перемити, перечитати, наготувати, перевиховати всіх дітей, бути ідеальним у всьому тощо — натомість трохи розслабитися і знизити вимоги до себе й оточуючих.
г) Дати можливість жити собі і своїм близьким так, як кожен вважає за потрібне. Трохи психологічної дистанції не завадить.
ґ) Водночас знайти новий баланс, новий режим і новий, — комфортний зараз, — ритм життя. Потроху дисциплінувати в новому форматі.
д) Нагадувати собі, що карантин закінчиться і життя продовжиться. Як це було завжди: після розвалу союзу, дефолту, помаранчевої революції, подій на Донбасі. Життя завжди триває далі.

5 важливих цитат із книжки «Переписати життя»:

«У буддистів є вислів «дорогоцінне людське народження». Вони вважають, що народитися людиною — істотою, яка здатна обирати, ставати щасливою, бачити, жити з сенсом і радістю, — це неймовірна удача. Я теж так вважаю. Але не всім вдається скористатися цим унікальним шансом».

«В житті кожного з нас настане момент, коли внутрішній голос буде головним, а може, й єдиним, до чого ми будемо дослухатися».

«Багато досліджень підтверджують той факт, що близькі люди — той життєвий капітал, який робить наше життя по-справжньому наповненим. На відміну від матеріальної забезпеченості та «зв’язків»».

«Важливо, щоб батьки й авторитетні дорослі передавали дітям свій досвід, свої знання, своє розуміння світу. Необхідно читати книжки і долучатися до культури людства, щоб формувати власну життєву філософію та принципи життя».

«Якщо ми хочемо справжнього щастя, для цього треба відмовитися від напівщастя. Звільнити руки, які зараз зайняті.

Можна, звичайно, і не обирати — через страх помилитися. Деякі люблять заколисувати себе китайською мудрістю «Сядь на березі річки і чекай, поки повз тебе пропливе труп твого ворога». Ну що тут скажеш? Іноді можна досидіти до того, що повз пропливе на матраці твій чоловік з коханкою. Або робота мрії. Тому що поки ти сидиш на березі, життя не стоїть на місці».

Yakaboo
Найбільша online-книгарня України. Любимо книжки понад усе:)

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  67. Hi, I think your site might be having browser compatibility issues. When I look at your website in Safari, it looks fine but when opening in Internet Explorer, it has some overlapping. I just wanted to give you a quick heads up! Other then that, fantastic blog!

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